Monday, August 31, 2015

My first day and I already forgot about my plan. I remembered after I was already in bed and comfortable so I used my phone to read old stories and learn from past mistakes. At least that's what I'm going with as my justification. Apparently I'm really bad at endings. I get bored with the story and just kind of stop writing with a vague 'the end' at the bottom. Also i could use more descriptions and metaphors. Now I'm going to bed. 

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Apparently it's been two years since I posted anything and the only reason I'm back is because I'm bored. I've watched all the Netflix I can for one day and I tried reading, but my brain isn't retaining any of the information into coherent thoughts. I get one day off at a time. I work retail which means I work most weekends and I only get two days off in a row if the planets are perfectly aligned and the sea gods aren't angry.

So never.

It's difficult to fully relax when you have to spend your one day off doing laundry and cleaning the house and then you have this nervous tension deep in your stomach that tells you you have to get up early the next morning and deal with morons for an entire day. So I try to do something on my days off that doesn't feel like work, but watching Netflix and reading books only numbs the pain, it doesn't take it away.

I feel better when I write, either on my days off or when I get home from an 11 hour day working two jobs, writing makes me feel like I'm doing something with my life, that I'm not wasting every tiny moment.  It gives me peace.

So why is it so difficult to convince myself to do it? To sit down and put words onto paper, to give life to the story that's trapped in my soul, writhing to get out.  I know that I'm mostly scared.  History tells me that even after all the time and effort I'm going to put into this story it's going to suck. This isn't my first rodeo. I've written books that I was sure would be best sellers and allow me to quit my crappy jobs and do what I love for a living, but it turns out I was the only one who thought that (as long as you don't count my mother).

It's exhausting and depressing and all consuming.  And yet I love it.  I took a year off from writing all together and it was the most miserable year of my life.  So I made a plan to write something every day. And it lasted about a week.  Just like all my other plans. This is also why all my plans for world domination have failed.  Because working two jobs and being a single mother is also exhausting and depressing and all consuming.  But then I open up a notebook and I get a whiff of the blank paper and all that goes away as long as my pen is rolling smoothly across the page.  

I started this blog years ago with the hope that if I put it out there on the interwebs for everyone to see, maybe it would motivate me to do more, write more.  It lasted about a week. But it was a glorious week, so I'm going to do it again.  I'm giving myself a goal to write something, anything every day no matter how exhausted or depressed I am.  Before my head hits the pillow I have to put something on paper- for the sake of my soul because I think the not-writing is taking its toll and chipping away little by little at what's left of my creativity.

I've been too engrossed in being an adult for too long.  The weight of responsibility and bills and polite conversation has beaten my inner child into a bloody pulp.  That's probably what it's supposed to do in order to mold us into proper citizens that always do the right thing and obey all the rules. And it's what I do most of the time, but there is always this part of me that wants to swim in the fountain and throw garbage at assholes who take up two parking spots and scream at the top of my lungs in a crowded mall for absolutely no reason.

I don't think I'll ever have the nerve to let that part of me roam free and do what she wants because I don't think I would survive long in jail, but the least I can do is let her out on the page and see what she comes up with in another world, for other characters.

So I will keep track of how much I write here on this blog.  I will use it for what I originally intended it for.  For at least a week.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I can't be the only one grossed out by this

I showed people at work who like bacon and even they made that 'I think I'm gonna barf just thinking about it' face.


I'm posting this from my space. Okay maybe not that last part but still. Pretty awesome.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

The Super Heroes Edition

I was standing in line with Alison at the grocery store and she saw an advertisement for heartburn.  So she asks me, "What's heartburn?"

ME: It's when you eat something spicy and it makes your chest around your heart feel like it's on fire.

ALISON: Does it feel like you swallowed fire?

ME: Yeah, pretty much.

ALISON: So does that mean you can breathe fire if you get heartburn?  Like a super power?

I could see the little cogs in her brain working and I knew the next question was going to be if she could get some spicy food.  So I explained that heartburn was not a superpower and only dragons were able to breathe fire. Then she pretended to be a dragon until we got in the car because I don't allow fire breathing dragons in my car. I don't like the look of scorched fabric. 

Then we went and saw The Avengers.  Loved it.  I warned Alison ahead of time that there were going to be scary parts. Any movie with super heroes has to have bad guys to defeat. But she watched Iron Man and The Hulk and Spiderman with no problem and she was sure she'd be fine.

She spent half the movie buried in my arm going, "Is it over yet? Can we go home now?" But when we left I asked if she liked it and she said. "Yes. It was great. A little scary, but not bad."  Suuure...after the fact.  There was one part in the middle that had her worried because she asks me, "Can super heroes die?"  No.  Of course not. They get close sometimes but there's always a hail mary at the end that saves them.  She felt better after that and spent less time buried in my arm and more time laughing because it was funny as well as action packed and full of hot guys. How can you go wrong?

At the end (I don't think this is a spoiler because it's pretty obvious that the good guys win, it'd be a pretty shitty super hero movie if they didn't.) they all go their separate ways and Samuel L. Jackson (who is in charge) is looking out the window all retrospective, talking about how they'll come back if the world needs them again and a woman lackey asks, "But how do you know they'll come back?"

And Alison says, "Duh. They're super heroes."

Such innocent trust.  The Tooth Fairy still brings her money, Santa Claus brings her presents and Super Heroes will always be there to save the world from evil.  But the best one?  Mom still knows everything. I'm going to hold onto that one as long as possible.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Alison got a little recipe book from school for eating healthier and whatnot and it had some ideas for smoothies and I've been wanting to make some smoothies, so I asked her to read them out loud to me while I was driving her home today. 

At one point she said, "6 oz." And she pronounces it out all the way like "ahz"

And I say, "Oz stands for ounce. So whenever you see oz you can say ounce."

She says, "Oh, so it's Wizard of Ounce?" 

Only in recipes, sweetheart.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Happy Zombie Jesus Day

I like Easter because I get the day off from work and it celebrates a man rising from the dead (like a zombie).  Alison likes Easter because a magical bunny brings her candy.  She's nine and staunchly believes in all things magical that bring her free stuff (like Santa and the Tooth Fairy) even though her seven year old cousin is constantly telling her that they don't exist.

I think Alison is afraid that if she admits they don't exist, she'll stop getting the free stuff. I tell her that they exist if she believes in them because I want her to keep the magic and innocence alive as long as possible.  And I don't mind playing the part of magical beings that bring her stuff as soon as she falls asleep because this is an incentive to get her to go to sleep.  The sooner you go to bed, the sooner the Easter bunny comes *wink, wink*.  If she knows that it's just me she'll still have to go to bed but she'll fight it every inch of the way like she does every night. 

This year I had to play double duty because Alison lost her tooth on Saturday, too.  So Saturday night I was Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy.  There's a joke in there somewhere about role playing but I haven't found it yet. 

This year, for Easter, I wanted to do something fun because I've been working a lot (which is also why there's usually a gap between posts) and wanted to use the fruits of my labor.  So we went to Castles and Coasters, an amusement park five minutes from my house that Alison sees often and begs me to take her there but we never have time.  But, I think I mentioned the day off because of the zombie holiday, so she finally got her wish. 

When I told her where we were going, she jumped up and down, ran to the couch, jumped on the couch, ran to the door, jumped up and down, ran back to the couch then back to the door and repeated the process until I was done laughing and told her to stop. It reminded me of something but I couldn't put my finger on what until I told Kate about her reaction and she said her dogs do the exact same thing when she gets out their leashes. 

The day was awesome and full of rides and walking and sunscreen. I won't go into details because it makes me tired all over again just thinking about it. I don't know how people go to Disneyland and spend days or even a whole week walking all over the place and waiting in line for hours for a short ride.  We got home and I crashed and didn't stir until morning, which came waaay too soon. 

I have another day off, but I don't get to sleep in because Alison is getting a new bed delivered today. She outgrew hers so I spent the morning clearing out her room so the movers can put it together and now I have to wait until they show up sometime within a three hour window.  So I'm using the time wisely by looking up pictures of zombie bunnies.

There are a ton of pictures of zombie bunnies.  I had to stop looking at them for fear of turning into one.  Here are my favorites:

 I think this one's my favorite:

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Conversation just overheard while Alison and her cousins were playing barbies:

Boy Barbie:  Honey, I found your phone.

Girl Barbie: Why did you move it?  I put it there for a reason.

Boy Barbie: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Girl Barbie:  That's okay. I still love you. Just don't do it again. 

They learn so young.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Martian Manifestos

I love anything to do with Mars and Martians so when I was reading over at and he said something like 'you can write about anything you want-even martian manifestos' my brain put on the brakes.  Martian Manifestos?  What a group of martians would send out about their intent upon entering Earth's atmosphere?  This is a market I gotta tap.

I've never written a manifesto before and when I looked up examples and advice it was really long and boring so I made up my own prototype and kept it nice and simple.  

Hostile Take Over Group, Unlimited 

Our Commitment: Take Over with Integrity

Our Goals:  To annihilate Earth's population in order to utilize the natural resources and use the remaining ground as a garbage dump for our other planets.

How we will achieve this:  Quick assimilation of the humans into our culture.  There will be no rape, torture or suffering.  We will be unbiased in choosing which candidates to retain.  All humans who proclaim undying fealty to our ways and lifestyle will be kept as slaves without discrimination based on race, gender or sexual preference.  All others will succumb to a smooth, painless death. 

A little background: We have been studying the human civilization for some time now and have deemed it inferior.  Please don't take this personally.  It's just business.  We have watched your moving picture shows that depict alien life forms as technologically advanced, but emotionally stinted creatures.  This is not true.  We are very caring beings, but practicality demands your extinction.  We know that those humans who are lawyers and businessmen will understand.

One Last Warning:  We have already disabled all your inferior physical weapons and will be using your strongest weapons, hope and love, against you by allowing you to volunteer for slave duty.  All volunteers will be given first choice of their duty station and the chance to keep their puny lives.

Welcome to the Company!