Sunday, July 17, 2011

What If...(Adult version)

There were some questions Alison either wouldn't get or would terrify her because they involve death.  She's already worried about how and when everyone she loves will die.  I don't mention the subject around her. 

If you were to drown in a liquid other than water, what would you want it to be?

My first thought, of course, was Jello.  But is that technically a liquid?  It starts out that way so I would probably choose pre-refrigerated jello because then, as you're gasping for air, at least you get some flavor to go with it. 

If you could enact one law in your country that does not currently exist, what would it be?

I would restrict whistle usage.  Trains could use them and sports coaches, but they would have to have licenses and anyone caught using a whistle without a license would be severely punished.  No one under the age of 25 should ever be given a whistle.  Why stores market them as a fun toy in fun shapes is beyond me.  There's no musical quality involved.  All they do is irritate the adults in the house.  All whistles would be replaced with bubble wands. 

If you could receive one small package this very moment, who would it be from and what would be in it?

The president and it would have a key and a treasure map. 

If you could discover that something you thought was true was actually false, what would you wish it to be?

Sugar is fattening!  If we were to wake up and that were suddenly false, everyone would live happier lives.

If you could have a secret listening device in any one room in the world, which room would you like it to be in?

My first thought went to the Oval Office but I can't even listen to the news for longer than five minutes before my attention drifts off to something shiny.  SO... instead, I think I'd want to listen in on the writers of Modern Family.  That show is so stinkin funny.  I don't get to watch it nearly as much as I'd like, but when I do it brightens my day. 

If you could invent one new home appliance, what would it do?

It would be a mini robot that cleaned the whole house.  Seriously.  It's 2011.  Why do we not have this yet?  When I was in the 6th grade the year 2000 was so far off, it was a magical number where all our dreams were going to come true.  We were supposed to have flying cars and vacation trips to the moon.  I can't even get a decent mop, let alone someone to do it for me. Science has totally failed us. 

If your own ashes were to be kept in an urn, after you die, where would you want the urn kept? 

First of all I like how they mention, after you die, in this question because it could easily be confused with before death.  But I worked with this guy once who mentioned he wanted his ashes put in an hour glass when he died (so he'd finally be on time for something.  haha).  I thought that was an awesome idea.  And it should be kept somewhere prominent, like a mantle in the living room so everyone new who walks in will be, like, great hour glass.  Where'd you get it?  Then you'd have a perfect conversation starter. 

If you had to sell your soul for one thing, what would it be? 

There's a Dilbert cartoon where the devil character senses 1% of a soul left in Wally so Wally sells it for a donut.  But if I'm going to sell my whole soul it would have to be for a lifetime supply of free books.  At least. 

If you could realize a dream that you have had while asleep, what dream would you pick?

None.  My dreams are weird.  Mostly they're the inspiration for the crazy stuff I write about but I wouldn't want them actually coming true.  The last dream I had I was in a garden and there were seashells decorating it and I picked up one of the bigger ones, a starfish with more legs than it should have had, and when I went to put it down, a big ol' spider crawled up my hand.  So I used the starfish to beat at it until it fell off and I thought I killed the spider, so I went inside to tell the person in there my funny story (an old wise woman), with the starfish still in my hand.  I put it down and the spider was still attached to the bottom.  I screamed and jumped back and the starfish came alive and its legs moved and battled with the spider.  The starfish won.  Then the shell cracked open and a giant squid/octopus thing slithered out.  It was a white-ish blue color and very slimy.  It climbed onto the counter and started eating leftovers.  I went outside to tell everyone out there to come in and by the time we got back, the octopus had grown to the size of the counter, slithered to the floor and crawled onto the lap of the woman sitting at the table and then the octopus changed into a little girl.  That's when I woke up.  If the seashells in my house ever start moving, I'm moving out.

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