Monday, August 15, 2011

Mermaid Porn

I love Google.  I was looking up a piece of basic anatomy because high school was a long time ago and I couldn't remember what area the kidneys were in.  (don't worry, Internet, I got it all figured out.)  Apparently Google knows me and my interests because along with all the other normal, human anatomy pictures, it brings up ones with mermaid anatomy.  Google knows how I roll.  It knows that I am much more fascinated with the imagined workings of a fictional creature than I am with the day to day running of the thing that carries around my dark and twisted soul.  This, of course, sparked a whole new obsession.  I had to know everything there was to know about mermaid anatomy.  How do they have sex?  How do they have babies? 

Apparently there's not a lot to know about the subject.  It was a pretty quick research assignment.  I found the same diagram posted everywhere, read some sick lonely sailor bestiality stories and watched one really funny SNL skit with Reese Witherspoon and Will Farrell that I have been unable to find since. 

There are some conflicting theories on the reproduction of mermaids.  One idea is that mermaids procreate the same as fish where the woman lays the eggs on the floor of the sea and the merman comes later and fertilizes them.  I don't like this idea.  It's not sexy or romantic AT ALL.  I like the second theory where they have sex and give birth like we do.  I like this idea beause mermaids are half human which means they have our emotions.  They need love and lust just the same as us and laying eggs on the floor of the sea with no fin to fin contact isn't going to cut it. 

One person noted that in the first ever tale (pun intended) of a mermaid the author described the tail as starting below the buttocks, leaving the good stuff wide out in the open, so there was no question as to how they procreated, then Disney came along and PG-ified the outfit and the ending and created all this mystery.  This makes sense, but I think it would look funny, having the tail start so low. 

On the many sights that have this diagram of mermaid anatomy there are tons of comments and one person says: Well, it's obvious from the picture where the guy puts it in.  Or something like that.  Now, I don't know if it's just my really horrible, old computer screen or my really horrible, old eyesight or a combination of both, but I can't see the details of this picture no matter how many times I enlarge it.  And I feel like a total perv zooming in on the private areas of a mermaid. 

I could probably find a drawing of what a mermaid vag looks like on the outside, but I don't want to type 'mermaid porn' into Google.  I don't want the FBI to think I'm a freak when they investigate my computer some day.  Plus I'm terrified of what Google will turn up.  I think I'm better off in the dark about this one. 

So here's the famous picture of mermaid anatomy by Walmor Corrêa:



See?  He has a picture of a baby and how the baby would look in a mermaid belly.  So, obviously, Mr. Correa thinks like I do, that mermaids are sexy and shouldn't have to live without coitus. 

No comments: