Monday, December 26, 2011

Things I've noticed about the holidays

  • Christmas trees look sad in the daytime.  Especially mine.  I have a fake one because they are less messy.  (Don't judge me.  My best friend in high school grew up with fake trees because of her asthma or allergies or both and she grew up to be a perfectly well adjusted human being.  She gets out of jail any day now thankyouverymuch.)  In the daytime you can see where the different levels of my tree are separated and the ornaments just sit there all limp and dull.  But at night, the shadows hide the imperfections and the lights make everything sparkle and shine and they look happier
  • I don't like eggnog.  This is a fact I somehow forget in the 11 months after Christmas ends because every year I pass by the displays in grocery stores and I buy a carton of eggnog.  Then I take it home, all excited because it's that time of year again and I get to enjoy the little things that help make this insanity laced season worth it.  I can handle idiotic shoppers, as long as I get to enjoy peppermint hot chocolate and gingerbread houses.  Then I drink the eggnog and slowly realize that it's kind of disgusting.  Even when diluted with milk, it's still too thick and rich.  But I want to like it because then it makes everything worth it.  So I drink smaller and smaller portions until I finally give up and spend the rest of the holiday season trying to pawn my eggnog off on every unsuspecting, living thing that comes through my door so I don't have to feel guilty for wasting perfectly good food.  Starving kids in Africa would love your eggnog you selfish cow.  You and your children don't like eggnog?  How about your cat?  The mail carrier?  Does it officially become not a food if starving kids in Africa won't drink it? 
  • Also, Christmas trees look even sadder after Christmas when all the presents are gone.  

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